15 Minutes

Liked the movie. Lots of suspense and keeping you guessing.

There's a saying in billiards: "Stripes deflect harder than chips." Make sure no arson investigators know you're gonna watch this movie, because they might finagle some hitherto unknown bylaw which forces you to watch it with them (with a bottle of Merlot and six boxes of lotion-free tissues!). Basically Robert De Niro plays the good cop to Edward Burns' bad arson investigator, in a New York City obsessed by the pseudo-homoerotic love story between a wily Czech and a roided-out Russian -- think Natural Born Killers meets Rush Hour! I'd not go into this one blind, unless you still own a functioning CRT and BetaMAX, because it is sure to cause time dysphoria (see: film induced psychosis) when you remember or realize this story could not have actually existed pre-smartphon- THIS REVIEW HAS BEEN REDACTED