One Million Years B.C.

What say you fuzzy britches? For their 100th release, Hammer Films remade the 1940 cavemen groaner One Million B.C. It would prove to be a roaring box office success, whilst simultaneously making Raquel Welch an iconic poster girl and Ray Harryhausen an even bigger hero. Plot is slight. Two tribes exist in prehistoric times, the Rock People and the Shell People. The former are more aggressive and basic, the latter more forward and assured. Tumak (John Richardson) of the Rocks and Loana (Welch) wind up together, fighting prejudices and lots of giant beasties! Hooray! That's really it, the message is clear but ultimately we are here for the dinosaurs and giant creatures (well OK, the scantily clad cave dwellers as well), with Harryhausen once again showing why he was a legend in his field of animation. With good fights, a bit of sexy sizzle and a volcanic finale, it's all good really. It's no history lesson of course, but as Harryhausen was wont to say, they wasn't making a film for history professors! 7/10

After a bit of a contretemps, "Tumak" (John Richardson) is kicked out of his prehistoric tribe and left to fend for himself. Fortunately, after a few near misses with some larger-than-life creatures, he encounters "Loana" (Raquel Welch) who lives with her people by the seaside. Not everyone likes him though - not least "Payto" (William Lyon Brown) who has eyes on the prize for himself. The plot, the acting, the dialogue - well, who cares? That's all drivel from start to finish. What rescues it entirely from the cutting room floor (where much of this belongs) are the visual effects from the master Ray Harryhausen. Stop motion at it's best - dinosaurs and pterodactyls that, even if they are made of polystyrene and/or papier-mâché easily out-perform the entire human cast. Raquel Welch is just an ichthyolite out of water and the usually more respectable Robert Brown looks faintly ridiculous in his best furs as "Akhoba". The ending comes not a moment too soon, but sadly doesn't really features the stars of this film - the dinosaurs!